I have tried to live up to considerably high expectations that I have placed upon myself. I have allowed the expectations of others even, to make me calculate my steps. The pressures of unceasingly harassing myself...
It took me a while to realize it, but the only thing I did consistently was quit. I quit when the going got tough, or just when I felt like I didn't care enough. In adolescence, I often beat myself up about it...
Juice WRLD Died this month. At the age of 21, from a seizure. Due to the pills he ingested in order to avoid incarceration at the airport. Here's my thoughts as an artist on suicide & death by drug overdose...
I Love the way I want to love. That may or may not be favored by you. I Love as much as I have & want to give, as little or as much as that is... & I accept what Love I have been blessed to receive, at any increment.
We are attached to the things that we do. Indoctrinated by society, then inevitably... mostly, by choice. As a society, we valuate one another based on the things that we do. Not of who we are, but of what we do.
Many of us men go most of our lives not knowing how to process & make sense of our emotional hues, triggers & breakdowns. Once we give way to vulnerability, that which was suppressed will flow out relentlessly.
It was easier when things were shallow. It was easier when I could downplay Love; easier when I could party & indulge my way out of loneliness. It was easier still when I could be cold & mysterious & sought after for it.
We are hurt. Ain’t no way around it. To heal would be quite easy, instantaneous even, in stillness with controlled breath. With Forgiveness. With Acceptance. With Willingness to Receive. With Willingness to Let Go.
My brother was called a ruffian. A good-for-nothing. A never-amount-to-anything type with exacerbated encounters. Brows furrowed in a frenzy & eyes averted with a dart-like speed whenever he walked in the room.
“The most difficult thing for men is to process emotions through feeling alone, without the encumbrance of thinking through & analyzing those feelings." A fiction, short story. On matters of life, love & understanding.
This is a means to acknowledge the all-too-human desire to express that which may be wholly undesirable, in a way that is conducive to a life well lived out of consideration for others & the Duality perceived.
I beseech those who come across this reflection to glean meaning rather than naivety. To recognize the strengths of choosing Optimism, Purity & Peace; rather than perceiving vulnerable, uncompromisable detriment.
It’s been another long day. I ended up spending too much time absorbed in other content, mixing & mastering a song, tweaking some promo material for my upcoming event, going through footage from the last one...
I've been reading "The Will To Change" by Bell Hooks, & shockingly, it's been crumbling the world view that I had believed I had to get accustomed to for so long, just to be a respected part of this society — Patriarchy.
There is a beauty to stillness, when you’re fully immersed. A beauty to this turbulence, the whirling of this world. Brilliantly distinct, yet ebbing & flowing in & out of coalescence with one another.
Allow my experiences to paint a picture. My tale is one that will resonate with the disenchanted — the peculiar ones who know how marvelous life really is, yet from time to time struggle to see it all with enthusiasm.