A Story | Yin Expresses Darkness (Pt. II)

#JournalingJuly - July 22nd

‍

‍

Alright, let’s set the facts straight. I wouldn’t be writing this if it wasn’t for my brother. Fxck writing it, I say what tf I gotta say when I need to say it & who I need to say it to. He wouldn’t even go out of his way to tell me anything about what I’m even writing for, to begin with. He simply said, “Write your Truth.”

Bet. So Fxck you very much for reading this first & foremost. I care not for frontin’ so feel free to perceive me as a devil or a beast, whichever you please. The one fxck you just received was the last one I had available to giveaway so from here on I could care less if you had a nice day — I’ve got my own life to worry about so, flex? I won’t.

Truth be told since you wanna hear it, I’m suffering inside.  The level of perturbed you perceive me is directly correlated to how much I’m dying for help — & not being heard.

Thinking hurts because every time I ask why I receive lies or a curve. Feelings be on that bullshit because really though, wtf. I’m made to feel like a burden for expressing the cycles that come naturally to me, without ever being given a process to achieve satiating expressions that would work for me.

Sugarcoat for what? Shit. Life would be dull without the spite I give! Death would be too easily achieved if you didn’t have to work for it! I was born into the world perceiving only agony, sorrow & hatred, black enough to taint all of the world I see!

The ingenuity I devise to bring my discomfort demise is tantamount to the greatest thing that you have ever seen.

Even the bliss I experience is sweetened by the despair I’ve endured & afflicted... cause getting revenge may be worth the tragedy it incurred. Fxck man.

Look... I’m gassed up right now. Like I said I don’t do this writing shit to express myself like that. I’m extraverted & usually in peoples’ faces, whether they like it or not. That’s beside the point though. If my brother asked me to see to the task, even if it takes me a while, I’ll come back around to it.

I know I said I only see darkness...often times it holds true. However, if I knew what light looked like, it’d look like my brother. It’s a strange phenomenon actually... there are times when I am frantically moving about, & I will catch a glimpse of him. Somehow, in those moments I feel frozen in time. I become at ease for what feels like infinity in the blink of an eye.

Strangely enough, I cease being myself for some time. Being in his presence gives me the only moments I’ve ever received that allow me to reflect. I run into him sometimes on the way into the bathroom or as I’m walking out of the house. We’ll always give each other this weird look & burst out into laughter simultaneously before walking off.

I’m sure my brother thinks I never listen to him... but it is without a doubt a fact that with each word of advice he has ever given me, my trajectory changes course ever so slightly. The moment of choice in front of me starts to unfold with evermore options, more pathways for me to explore & to define myself. He is the only one who has ever & so diligently helped to provide me with a probable process to my expressions — all without judgment.

So Fxck you, & be like my brother. Maybe I won’t give you such a hard time.

Good riddance,
Yin

=========

All the best,
Sean aka Mr. Wildenfree
#LiveLifeWell

‍

‍

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger from Pexels